Start of holidays

Yippie Holidays are finally here. Well just only a few weeks but alot of stuff haf been going on. Sometimes it really makes me wonder am i just a heartless person or just a strong person. So many things going on in my mind but somehow it does not really affect me at all as in my normal daily life and how normal i am with all those crap things going on. It really makes me wonder???

*ponder*

*ponder*

*ponder*


Anyway great that attachments are over already. Really felt the strain esp the 1st 2 weeks of it coz those teams were bloody busy busy esp team 2. everyday go home late. haiz... Lucky me that my last week i was in team 3, the most slack team haha!!! Well last day of attachment many things happen and it was really havoc ( i tink its spelt this way) One stuff almost got injured due to violent and metally ill patient and another stuff and me were so unlucky to meet a metally ill and perverted patient. Really damn scared for the first time. worst than meeting a violent patient. This time attachment beside being almost beaten by a patient which is like a norm to me already haha!!! Me always finding trouble. Go help my fren to calm the patient down and always ended up being almost beaten up haha!!! another thing tis time round is meeting a pervert and somemore mentally ill patient. I really had to keep my distance and be bloody fierce to him haha!!!

Anyway this time round attachment i was also praised by patient hehe so not too bad. alot of things happen lah which is an experience and also learn alot of medical stuff which i haben hear b4 in other wards so can say got harvest hehe!!!!

Guess wat. this time attachment the yr 1 gal i was paired up with is my brother pri and sec sch fren and klassmate. So 'qiao'. the world really small haha!!! somehow i now noe ppl that are also linked with my 2 other brothers. The world really small haha!!!!!!!! this time attachment can say it was not bad. learn new things see new things and get to noe nice ppl as in the yr 1 coz the yr 2 ppl i already know them. I think i really lucky everytime attachment get to work with nice ppl. Even this time round all the stuff are nice. not even one is bad as in other wards where there is like a black sheep. Lucky!!!!!

Anyway this time round got funny stories to tell. told my mum bout it and she kept on laughing hehe but she also worried. Well she only know bout the perverted patient but not the violent one. Dun really dare to tell her bout it scare she worry too much. Perverted patient in ward can still be prevented but violent pt reaction is instant. I think if i'm going to con't nursing than mayb i need to take up some self defence klasses liao coz i everytime so 'lucky'.HAHA!!!!!!

At this point of time i still thinking how to tell my mum i wanna go for a vacation oversea. So many factors to worry and think about before i tell her. Mayb might not even tell her. haiz... really very vexing. Its something i wanna do since O lvl but coz of so many things going on so din go for it!!!!

Just now go to the kbox website and found out that they increase charges all by 2 bucks haiz... .. 2 bucks alot leh so sad!!!! Anyway next week i might go rebond my hair. really cannot stand the mess. haiz din wanna go rebond my hair but looks like i haf to hehe and i also wanna go change new hairstyle too but still dunno cut to wat kind and which salon to go too. one is rebond the outcome i like but the stylist there got no opinion on how they should cut hair whereas the other one they cut hair that suit ppl but i dunno if their rebond gd anot. and also the price must go ask them how much and see see.

Before the last day which is the second last day of attachment i read something which kinda shock me. Well i know noe that person is a very self centered person esp when it come to grades but din expect her to be so selfish and horrible to that extend. really very sad case. Well she is like going to be outside my list of ppl i dun wanna tok to unless needed. Really put me off that coz of wat she did and put other ppl in serious trouble. and i do mean serious. She really is a black sheep. Pity her bf lah only saw her that so call gd side bah. or well mayb her bf also like that haha!!!! i dunno and dun care anyway!!!!!!! Anyway my loud speaker mouth only told the aunty from my klas and she also really shock!!!!!!! Really find it shocking.

Anyway i think i just going to do the usual holiday things i do and try to find other activities too.

Exams are over!!!

Well exams are finally over. Beein slping only in the mornings coz can only study and absorb well in the nite. Well just hope can pull through this sem coz ever since that F i got, somehow got ying yin already. I only need to pull through to year 3 regardless how many Ds i have to get.

Well today as usual went to take the exam with only bout 30 mins of slp. Was totally dead today felt so breathless that i kept on breathing so hard and loud esp in the exam hall that i had to control my breathing. Anyway coz was too tired and felt as if my soul had left me so din go for klass gathering. i was really like a walking zombie!!! In the MRT i felt like a mad woman sitting in the train staring in spaces and just playing with my earphones. Anyway at least is all over liao.

After the mental torture now is the physical torture. Attachment next week onwards. no life for the next 3 weeks. Wanted to go out tomolo but well there was a change of plans with ppl. Guess i will just stay home to rot and watch all my vcds i borrow from my aunt during the new year. Its kinda like a tradition for me to borrow vcds from my aunt haha!!!

Mayb i should just get out of the house on saturday. hehe!!! need to just walk around and walk around!!! and mayb should go settle some debt thingie too. haiz... really hate asking ppl to return me money!!! FAN SI LE!!!!

Anyway CNY this year was like normal but sadly coz it was also exam period so was like studying at the same tome too and the worst thing is eat too much liao. At my aunt's place i was like eating and eating and eating esp the bak kwa hehe but i also ate alot of honeydew yum yum!!! and wat else did i eat.......... hm..................... love letters, one mango jelly and 2 bottle of soft drinks. At home while studying ate a few piece of love letters the choc flavour kind, those little sponge cake thingie and ate oranges too. well so much of eating!! well lucky my nursing uniform can still fit in haha!!! Well hope i get to kill myself physically during attachment than can lose some weight coz really dun like to go running. haha

Just finish watching HEROES but stil very much awake. Guess the slping disorder is getting into me liao. 3am soon but still very much alive!!! lalalala lalalallalala LALA land pls come and get me !!!!!!!!!!!!!

future ahead

Well its now 4.47am as i'm typing this. Well coz haf been studying for exams so now slping hours are rather messed up. Well things at home are finalized and can only say its super bad luck lor and i hope that stupid idiot person will die in a horrible way. Study so must also no use coz no compassion at all and never see things with a coloured free mind and eyes stupid ass. hope he die like rite now. eat or drink wat will also choke and die and no one around to save him but see him die in suffering.

Well haf to adjust a liitle but i guess should be no problem for me. Sometimes i wonder am i unfeeling or wat coz actually dun really feel anything or mayb coz i am prepared for the outcome already or mayb coz it exam week so i kinda void myself from all feeling thus to less disturb my state of mind. HAIZ!!! mayb just becoming unfeeling.

Well on thursday sat for my 2nd last paper and again went to sit for paper without slping erm... well i did slp for an hour hehe!! anyway after that came back to slp and was like lazing around the house after that coz really need a break off my book for a while. I was like so crazy with my book for 3-4 days to prepare the 2 papers. Well of course got take a break to watch SHI SHEN by the 5566 zax wang. the show so so only lah but some part nice to watch.

HAHA crumble to temptation on thursday nite and started to watch HUA YANG SHAO NIAN SHAO NU. haha BAD me!!!! so tempting cannot stop watching at all. and just now somemore just finish watching the 13th episode. Now going to wait again for another few weeks before watching it again or mayb wait for it to finish than watch or just watch it from channel u on the 14th ep. haha !!!!!!!!! haiz these 2 years arh taiwan has been producing shows that are super nice to watch. like devil by my side, it started with a kiss, wei xiao pasta and now hana kimi. really can die watching all these gd shows haha!!!!!!

Well one more paper to go liao hope i am able to focus and study for it coz this paper is super impt to me to pass it well coz my that 35% was a F so need to make it real gd to get back my C grade. Actaully been thinking wat i wanna go with my future. After come out isit wanna con't nursing or change to another course. Went to MDIS site and saw that my nursing dip can take up their biomedical degree but the modules in there are like bio bio and more bio somehting that i dun really like. haiz...... but also thought of taking up psychology but dunno next time can do wat coz i'm rather gd in this module that i'm taking rite now. i understand the concept easily. haiz..... so confusing or should i just stick to my original plan leh... ... if got money than most probaly i would have pursue my dreams liao but sadly no money so equals to no tok liao!!!!!!!! so in a dilemma ( wrong spelling i think who cares!!!!! ) haiz going to yr 3 than now start to sway away from my intended choice of route in life. well actually i just wana find a job that i like to do and pay well thats all!! FAN SI LE!!!!!!!!!!

2007

Oh well happy new year ppl!!! well hope its a gd year for you guys and everyone out there coz it wun be for me unless you got a few hundred thousand bucks to spare me than it might be a gd year than!!! oh well haha


oh well this year or rather last year its not really a gd year as compared to the previous. too many things happening and dun really like wat is going on. most memorable thing that went on was attachment and attachment and more attachment. frenship becoming stronger, breaking out and now i also not sure how its going but oh well juz taking it slow for now. I mean ppl do change. Well at least for me i think. trying to be a neutral person in klass dun wanna hate anyone or dislike anyone anymore coz its tiring and not worth it haha well it that is a gd change as in a growing mind or watever haha!!! Well nothing much going on beside bad stuff going on and stuff again!! oh well i juz hope this year i can pass and go to year 3 coz i'm really not in any mood to study. there is this fear in me of failing which is like no gd at all. I hate it when this feeling juz comes. it always pop by as and when it likes!!!

Well looking forward to the chalet thingie though. its like first time having a chalet with frens and juz frens only haha hope it does not rain and things goes smoothly although i haf to bring my books there to study (sad rite haha) due to tests coming up the following week!!

Well hope its a gd year for you all guys out there !!!!!!!

Christmas

Been today up my online shop till just now wanna sign in i actually forgot my user id haha!!! Well sad that no one interested in buying anything from me haiz.......... need to go some up with much much and much better design though i think one or two of them are nice coz i would also wear it out myself. so sad!!!!!!

Anyway today had present exchange and got zq present and she got my. WHY so qiao leh???? anyway hope she like my present too though its a photo frame only but its not those ordinary photo frame. Its haf to build/fix it urself to any design u like. So this is testing ur creativity skills haha!! but anyway when i buy this present my mind was thinking that it is good for destressing coz when stress can take it all out and rebuild it and its something new again and its good for taking ur mind off for a while and u get the feeling that u haf something new again. Well mayb i need to go buy one for myself too haha!!! Well hope she likes it. well if not she can also recycle the gift to her frens wahaha or like bengi keep the present i gif him long time ago. and its still not even unwrap yet!! haha apparently it was not a gd gift haha!!!!!! no use for him but to me its of use coz i always sticking or writing notes everywhere so would need a place to stick or else its all over the place. haha!!! thats why i got a little blackboard in my room to write remindeds.

Well nothing much happening liao lah but only that no mood to study at all. i'm so dead when sch reopen with all the tests and stuff. next week must rush rush to catch up lost time.

Hope next week will have good weather coz i wanna go to kusu island so rain pls dun come back for the time being please.

One down and a alot more to go

Juz finish my elective work bout 2 hours ago. Finally all done or else can die. Really losing my temper juz doing it. Keep on hanging due to the tables and more tables. Word really hang so many times till i lose my temper. Yesterday was worst. I practically juz hit my laptop repeatedly. Well juz wat made me feel angry was that how one of my grp member for elective can be so selfish. Already all the easy one let her do liao than still want to chunk so much work to me. My side already overloaded. Need to design the logo and do up all those forms and still wanna gif me do those easy one also. Bloody hell lah she need to study so do i lor really crap man!!! Hate this kind of people. Really hate those these kind of people who are so borthered by getting good grades than to have more time to study you shove one whole lot of work to other people to do. Number 1 on my hate list. You can be of lousy character or wat i also wun hate you that much but anyone no matter how nice or wat do this kind of things to me you are so gone!!!!

Anyway sorry to everyone who was tokking to me juz now coz doing elective so was already in a bad mood liao. and making it worst was to try to control it down. Really boiling inside!!

To bengi and zq was really in a bad mood and i also really din want to go foodcourt eat esp not for dinner. lunch ok but if dinner i might as well stay home to eat. and at that time i was like thinking we kinda like celebrating christmas lor than its like why go foodcourt leh. every tom dick or harry day already going foodcourt liao!!! IN sch already canteen,foodcourt and fastfood liao than go out also the same thing i really juz hate it lah. well course that was like me thinking when i was in a bad mood not thinking rationally well honestly abit of me juz din want to go foodcourt or fastfood resturant for dinner. Lunch totally fine but dinner was a big no no. Well better end this now or else unkind words are going to come out from my mouth liao haha!!!!! Still in the bad mood with the elctive stuff argggggggg!!!!!!!!

Anyway this 2 weeks is going to be a busy busy holiday. got bio to prepare my idividual presentation and other presentation to prepare. bout 4 of it bah!!! and most impt my online store to set up. Juz need to enhance the photos. hehe during the time my brother go camp going to use his computer. Need to find someone with a VISA card to help me reg in yahoo auction just for identification issues. SO ma Fan!!!! Well mayb if i finish studying i might juz go to this wat kusu island that i saw on newspaper today on my last week of holiday.Or mayb i should go to the treetop trail again haha!!!!! Really need a breather from wat had juz happened last week at home. Kinda over but its only the starting of the rough road my family and i will be having.If there is really such thing as god i really do hope that my prayers will be answered.

Tokking bout GOD, friday went to expo to watch the 'magic of love' by faith baptist community church. Its some kind of magic show lah. Tix from my brother. Well ok it was only on saturday that i know that the tix was not free haha!!!!!!! my brother had to pay for them!! No wonder he wanted to get people to go coz he bought 5 tix for the whole family but no one wanted to go and my other brother already got fren bringing him to go on saturday haha!!!!! Well at least the tix wasn't wasted. coz i went haha!!!!! it was good i must say all those tricks and singing but i really hate the opening singing by that pastor daughter with all the american accent in it yikes!!! What's with people and their fake accent man!!!!!! just dun get them!!!!

WHY???????????

The atmosphere at home is really bad since yesterday. THis year is really a bad year for my family. one after another. One closing soon and got another problem How can do this to my family?? Nobody own you anything why must do this to us?? Why never even use that brain of urs to think?? Feel so drained out by what is all going on. Really dun feel like staying or going home anymore. Dun like the feeling of being at home. For me to say this is really bad coz i always like staying at home.

Today reach home really can feel how my parents are feeling and how hard it is for them esp day trying to make things seem ok by still joking around with my bros and me but i can still feel it how hard isit for them. Why must all these kind of things happen to my family. My bro wrote in his blog its God testing and moulding and etc but even it is that time why must allow my parents to go thru it. if really want to test and mould i rather all the bad things happen to me than to my parents. they already old liao. Few months back when i look at my mum i suddenly feel that she really aged alot.

When things really happen i really hope i can take it and face it as i am trying to tell myself. All these pride, face thing is all nothing coz we all haf a clear conscience. that is wat is impt. why even bother how other ppl think coz in the beginning they dunno wat is going on and how we are implicated to it for no reason.

I guess its really going to get tougher and tougher esp in Jan. I used to have everything i want in the past. Even now no more already but i dun need those anymore but my family to be ok. the rest not impt anymore.

Feeling emotionally drained already. So much in my mind that i cannot even slp well and with so much ICAs to prepare, test and soon exam that has no study break at all. What else bad is going to befall????????? I really wonder. the future now seem so beak???